


The Things He still Held Dear

by ILoveMisha2, ImNotOfImport (ILoveMisha2)



Series: The end [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5x04, End!verse, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, The End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 14:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3328943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ImNotOfImport
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He denies himself the pain with each needle, pill, or smoke. He comes to your cabin and sleeps on your porch, rambling on about a world that now seems so far away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things He still Held Dear

**Author's Note:**

> another endverse fic!  
> sorry if it's redundant but i'm obsessed with the end

The things held between the two of you used to be so precious.

The things between you used to move mountains and silence volcanoes.

The things between you used to keep his halo bright and your blade at bay.

The things between you used to keep the both of you who you were in a time where Lucifer ruled, where he still ruled.

The things between you used to keep the sun bright and the moon full.

Those things used to keep the drug intake low and the smiles high.

They used to match every touch and every whisper.

They used to mask the bruises and dissolve the tears.

They used to lace each punch with love because at one point the things between you **_were_** love in every sense. 

The things sacrificed you both by the perfect lie of what was, of what you once thought was.

Now those things are gone, scattered through the wind like your heart, they escaped you like the bullets leaving your gun for a cause you thought just and left like the smoke that escaped the ex-angel’s lips.

They left you in a world of desolation, but it’s worse for the ex-angel you know. You know because he still clings onto those things that you both used to feel.

He denies himself the pain with each needle, pill, or smoke. He comes to your cabin and sleeps on your porch, rambling on about a world that now seems so far away.

He doesn’t realize how bad you want him to stop.

He doesn’t know how hard it is for you to not let him in.

He doesn’t know because you won’t tell him.

You know that if you let him in, it would give him hope that the things between you have survived and you know you’d rather hurt him this way than of that.

You’ve made the mistake of giving him hope once before and you know you couldn’t watch him go through that again even though you want to give in and feel him again.

You can’t sacrifice him so you sacrifice yourself by neglecting those words you want to say and the touches you’ll never be able to give. You have to let him self-destruct because you refuse to do it to him, at least that’s what you tell yourself.

You have to let him ramble on and cry because you can’t fix him, can’t bring those things you used to call love back for either of you.

You want to give in the most though when you sit on the other side of you cabin door listening to his soft but bruising words, whiskey in hand.

You hear him pray and plead to you then after that he’ll curse your name, wish you dead then swear his hate of you until you just hear sobbing.

You know he hates you and you don’t blame him.

Then you hear him ask you why but you’ve told him too many times to count.

You’ve told him it will only kill you both but he argues relentlessly that you’ve both been killing each other for decades.

You amend that he may be right but you’d rather kill yourselves this way instead of putting a bullet through his head and feeling your heartbreak with his because of the things that used to be between you both.

The last thing you say as you turn away from the door renders him silent on the other side and you know in that moment that anything you had left between you dissolved like the grace he once had.

“I wish you’d have never saved me from hell, better yet I wish you had never existed.”


End file.
